Stumble
by creativeexpression
Summary: Spoilers The Blight is coming, and Alistair struggles to hang onto a shred of normalcy. A story of personal growth, duty, and stumbling toward inevitability.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: DA:O is the intellectual property of Bioware and EA Games, I am neither.

Title: Stumble

Rating: M [NSFW and darn proud :: adult situations]

Pairing: Fem!Cousland/Alistair

Summary: [Chapter 1] After a particularly brutal nightmare, Alistair joins Elissa on watch.

Wordcount: [Chapter 1] 3,042

Alistair smelled like smoke. With a fire burning constantly, Elissa supposed that they all did. The scent coiled and seeped into everything; clothes, hair, books.

A few feet away from the fire, her face rested against the cooling cloth of his tunic. It was rare that she'd seen him without any armor, but Alistair had joined her from a deep (slobbering, Shale would muse) sleep to join her in her watch.

So he said. She had heard him in his tent. Elissa knew that the nightmares distressed him as much as, if not more than her. Alistair would never say it, but being connected to the archdemon left him chilled. They touched that evil with their souls, and he didn't want to be alone.

On the nights that the archdemon blazed through her, she felt the same way. Elissa wanted to surround herself with life and joy and nothing brought her more joy than him.

They lay together, tentatively scooting closer to each other for the last half hour or so, until his hand was finally cradling the back of her head, loosely twirling strands of her hair. She grinned at his heart's jump. All from moving to touch her hair. It was desperately sweet.

"This is dangerous. A man could fall asleep like this." Alistair's voice wasn't particularly hushed. Everyone had gone to sleep hours ago, his own voice was still thick with sleep. She wondered if this was the the longest he'd been both conscious and silent, since she'd met him.

"Mmm. Stay awake then. Watch is a sacred duty." Her voice was lazy and effortless. She shifted her hand from it's splayed position on his chest. Her fingers were raised, forefinger passing in gentle, slow circles. His heart jumped and Elissa grinned again, she hadn't intended anything lecherous. She just wanted to be connected with him, to touch him in a way that he deserved to be touched. His heart gradually returned to it's regular steady, heady rhythm.

It was dangerous. She could fall asleep right now, so perfect was her contentment. "We can't fall asleep."

"No... that would be bad. Not bad, wonderful really. Maker, I'm exhausted." His free hand grasped her circling fingers, shyly intertwining them with his own.

"Go back to your tent then. I can handle this." Elissa regretted the words instantly. She could do this on her own, but hated the idea of his warm body being anywhere but beneath her own.

"Oh please... what if some bandits happen upon camp?" She almost stated that she was more than capable of handling it but she was beginning to recognize his tones. He was setting himself up for a diatribe. "You'd beat them to a pulp and I'd get to have none of the fun."

"Bandits are jinxed you know. Say the word and they appear."

"What word?"

"Bandits."

"Hmmm. Nothing." Alistair looked toward the brush where Dog slept protectively. "None over there." She brushed her cheek against his tunic, settling closer to him.

"Maybe you just aren't asking nicely enough."

"Maybe I need to call them by name."

"Perhaps."

"Too bad I don't personally know any bandits."

"Yes, that is a pity."

"Devastating. It's terrible how you run potential contacts through, before we can even introduce ourselves properly."

"I'll work on that." Elissa snipped, and he pulled her closer still. He pressed a quick kiss to her hair. It was light but she hadn't imagined it.

"Andraste's Mercy, you really are as bad as me. No one really allows me to go on as long as this...they've normally tuned me out by now."

"I'm sorry. Were you saying something?"

"Cheeky." The fingers of his left hand were still toying with her hair. "Have I been that terrible of an influence on you?"

"No. I've always been this way. When we find Fergus, he can tell you."

Alistair noted that this was the first time that she'd mentioned Fergus since Lothering, since Morrigan had shot down the idea of searching for him.

Alistair knew that finding her brother was unlikely. He had known it then and every day Fergus' chances of survival grew smaller. Alistair knew that could be dead in the fields of Ostagar or lost in the Kocari Wilds. He didn't want to consider the other possibility.

Alistair would never utter a word to that effect. Never. Elissa still clung to the hope that one of the many faces in Ferelden would be his, and so did he. It hurt him that she may never know.

"I'm sure that Fergus will tell me a lot of things." What was wrong with giving her a little hope? "I imagine quite a few embarrassing stories about that hound, sneaking out of your estate, sneaking back into the estate. Were-" He stopped to correct himself. Idiot. Present terms only. "_Are_ the two of you close?"

"We're brother and sister." She said it, like he should know the answer. "He's quite a bit older than I am. He used to tell me he'd trade me for a brother in an instant."

"Oh... I'm not quite sure what to make of that."

"He'd hate that I'm out here, at least without him. He's so protective. But yes. We are very close. I told him everything."

"Everything?"

She smiled again, and moved her head so she could look at him. Her chin pressing against his chest. "Everything."

"Even the... intimate things?"

"Well they were of course hedged, but he always seemed to know more than he let on."

"So you were then?" His voice was quieter now.

"Yes, we were close."

"No... what I mean... is. Oh nevermind. I don't think I want to know."

"What are you talking about?" Her lazy, sleep addled mind filtered the last bits of conversation. "The intimate bits? You want to know if I was intimate with men?"

Elissa was glad that she was looking at him now. A fierce blush spattered his face and he immediately began to sputter, "No... I mean, that's incredibly forward. I can't believe I said anything. Please forget that I said it."

"You don't have to blush Alistair. It's perfectly natural, especially in Highever."

"I know that. I just wondered, and it was none of my business."

"Stop backtracking. You can ask me anything that you like. Always." She scooted upward, effectively cutting off his sputtering with just a press of her breasts. Elissa pressed a firm kiss to the underside of his jaw, nuzzling it with the tip of her nose. Alistair felt her warm breath, "I know that you've never, but I have."

"Oh... I uh..." He struggled to regulate his breathing. "I haven't a doubt about that... trust me." He winced as he realized his wording, "Not that I'm implying that you are, that you are a woman of- I'll just stop talking now, and blame it on the exhaustion."

Elissa laughed sweetly and rose, sitting back on her haunches. He immediately felt a chill where her body had been. She tugged on his tunic encouraging for him to do the same and he mirrored her, touching their knees together.

"Does it bother you?"

"That I'm an idiot? No. I've gotten quite accustomed to the taste of my feet." Alistair took her smile as a good sign. The orange cast of the fire flickered across her face, and he hoped that it covered his blush.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I'm afraid that I don't. There are many things that could be bothering me. Morrigan for example."

She was still smiling, "No, not Morrigan." Her fingers straightened his tunic at the shoulders, brushing the grass off them.

"Wet socks?"

"No, not wet socks." She scooted closer.

"Well, there is always-" He quieted as he realized that she was leaning forward. Elissa wetted her bottom lip, drawing the soft flesh into her mouth. She met his eyes and closed the distance between them.

It was not the first time that they had kissed. He'd taken that initiative in Redcliffe, as the waited for nightfall.

He'd heard about lightening shooting through lovers, when their skin would meet. It wasn't quite like lightening. His heart always pounded and his stomach seemed to cave in on itself. Frankly, he thought he shook like a little girl.

This time, it was his face resting between her hands. One hand slowly slid down to a resting space at the back of his neck. Alistair's hands found the tops of her thighs, and then travelled up to her waist, avoiding the curves between.

When he felt her lips curve into a smile, he took the opportunity to swipe quickly at her tongue. He retreated slowly, and she pursed her lips sealing the kiss. Her palm was warm against his face.

Her teeth worked their way across his lower lip, gently pressing against the tender flesh. He groaned and moved his hands to her face. Elissa's tongue managed be both everywhere and evasive at the same time, swiping delicate patterns across his mouth and then stealing away back behind her lips.

Alistair ran his thumb against her chin, and he pressed a soft kiss against her top lip. They paused for a moment, foreheads resting together. He couldn't take his eyes away from her swelling lips. His thumb brushed over her bottom lip, passing away some of the moisture that had gathered.

He closed the small distance between them, his heart pounding. They weren't nearly close enough. He took his time exploring the flesh. She moved to a kneeling position, and he followed, refusing to break the contact between them. She felt the beginnings of his arousal, and let out a soft mewl of delight, her fingers twisted in his hair.

Alistair nibbled on her bottom lip, pleased that it had the same effect on her. He fumbled a bit clumsily, not sure what to do with his hands. He wanted to run them down the length of her body but he settled for resting them on her lower back, pulling her closer. Her hands moved to his tunic, slowly fisting it between her fingers.

His tongue flitted back into her mouth again, then small wet heat driving him to press against her. He flicked it over her teeth, briefly rolled a circle over the tip of her tongue, and slipped against the roof of her mouth.

Alistair felt her whimper start in her chest, reverberating in his mouth. Elissa's hips rocked forward, and while he wasn't at all experienced he knew that it had to be a good sign.

His heart was battering his ribs and his right hand fumbled with the hem at her hips. Alistair's forefinger brushed at the sliver of skin beneath it. He pulled out of the kiss, and watched as he added his thumb to the brushing motions.

Elissa didn't object and moved his lips across her cheek. Her grip tightened on the fabric and when she rocked her hips forward, the whimper was now his own.

Her teeth were now on his neck, nipping, sucking. Each bite ended with the gentlest of kisses. It was exquisite. He now knew how easy it was to fall down this road. For a man to be lost.

He blushed when he realized just how aroused he was, how forcefully he was pressing himself against her. He wound his hands around her back again, and tentatively matched her when she rocked forward. Her cry of frustration muffled into his neck.

His thighs were burning from the prolonged kneeling. He ached and he wanted her. "We are terrible at this whole watch-- thing."

"Mmm." His one hand travelled up her spine, under the cloth, until the pads of his fingers pressed against the clasp of her bra.

"Oh, how did that happen?" She sucked on his collarbone, worrying the flesh between her teeth. His finger slid beneath the band and he wondered if it was too much. She said nothing to halt him but he slipped his finger from the band.

Alistair sat back on his haunches again. Elissa nearly fell forward at the sudden change, "I'm sorry, I just couldn't do that any longer."

Her lips were so swollen that anyone who looked at her would know instantly what she had been doing. Her jaw seemed rubbed raw, and Alistair wasn't all that sure how that had happened. His stubble perhaps? He had heard that her eyes would be dark, he couldn't see in the dim light, but he wished that he could.

"Oh." Her lips wrapped around the word as she breathed it out. She suddenly started to fidget, and arrange her clothing. What was she doing? Was that a nipple?

"No, you thought I meant- no that was... Maker. That was..." He sighed at his ability to immediately became a bumbling idiot, "No I just meant that my legs...".

She blew out a nervous laugh. "I thought you used to spend hours in prayer."

"Yes well, I'm terribly out of practice." He ran a hand through his hair, "That, and I rarely prayed for hours, I'd pray for a bit, then curl up somewhere to sleep."

"No pious contemplation?"

"Not too much, no." Alistair took a deep breath. They were separated now, they should just wake up Sten for his watch, and retire to their separate tents before they did something that they would regret. His eyes rested on her lips. Would he regret it? His eyes briefly flickered down to her chest.

"Alistair, if this was too much- Just trust me, we won't do anything that you don't want to do."

"Believe me, wanting has never been a problem." He heard a shift from Leliana's tent. Wynne of all people, let out a snore.

Elissa smiled again. The rocking of his hips and sweeping of his tongue told her that Alistair was no prude. He was inexperienced but if he let her, she'd would gladly play the role of patient mentor.

Elissa stood, her legs wobbly. She wanted him but the ache, unbearable a moment ago, was ebbing away. As Alistair stood, she supposed it was easier for woman.

Her mouth dried when she saw the outline of his arousal, evident through the flimsy cloth of his pants. She memorized it.

Alistair groaned, "This was reckless."

"A little reckless is good for the complexion." Even in the dim light, Elissa looked lovely. Her eyes sparkled, her cheeks tinged pink. She glanced nervously back at the tents, "I guess you're right. Any one of them could have seen."

"Sten's watch starts soon." Alistair could have laughed at the way her expression fell.

"Could you imagine if Sten had caught us?" She giggled, hiding her face in her hands. Alistair pulled them from her face and to his lips.

"If it's any consolation, I don't think he would have known quite what was going on."

"Oh no," Elissa pressed. "At the very least he'd recognize it as some... mating ritual."

His arousal had dwindled at the thought of being caught but his blood warmed at the word mating. Carnal phrasing from swollen lips. He tried to think of Sten; big Qunari, frightening stature, speaks very little.

"Alistair?" He'd been quiet for too long. "Are you all right?"

"Right, just thinking." He kissed her cheek reassuringly. "Save the joke."

Elissa giggled again. "It would have been a good one too. But as you wish." Alistair kissed her forehead. "We shouldn't do this in camp."

"I'm afraid that may be the best that we get, but you know me, eternally optimistic in the face of almost certain death."

Elissa rolled her eyes. "Yes that is your reputation."

Alistair linked their fingers, his heart quickening with the realization that he'd never held a woman's hand like this. "Elissa?"

"Hmm?"

"Nothing."

"Maybe we should just..."

"Leave this here?" Elissa nodded and moved to her tent. Alistair tightened his grip on her hand and she stopped mid turn.

"Let me walk you," he said.

She couldn't stop her smile, so she looked at the ground. It was twenty feet to her tent, at the most. "I'd like that." She looked over at the Qunari's tent.

Alistair shrugged off her silent concern, "Don't worry, I'll wake him."

Too soon, Elissa stood, her back touching the rough canvas tent, right fingers toying with the panel. Her heart pounded and Alistair finally released her palm. They were closer to the fire now. She could see him. the orange flickering over his features. Alistair's jaw was so clearly defined, his eyelashes. Elissa settled on his neck, cords of sinew. His shirt laces were untied, giving her a glimpse of his collarbone. He shifted, uncomfortable under her scrutiny.

He was a mystery to her. A strange mix of child and man, both unbearably handsome and inquisitive.

Alistair licked his bottom lip, wetting it quickly. He stepped closer, hand trailing down to her hip. His head was dipping slowly toward her, lips full and inviting. She took a step backward. "I'm not inviting you in." She was now fully against the tent and it shifted warningly behind her. Any closer and it would collapse.

Alistair was completely bewildered, but didn't step back, "That's not why I walked you over."

"I know." She reinforced it twice in her head.

"I'm not going to play it suave here, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling a little blind sided. Can I ask what brought this on?"

"I want you, you know that. I've asked you twice now and I'm not going to again. If you want this... if you want me, you'll have to come to me."

He nodded and cautiously kissed her forehead. He chose his words carefully. "When I'm ready, believe me, you'll be the first to know." Alistair's forefinger pushed her bangs from her face. "You should sleep. Haven will be difficult to find."

He tentatively dipped his lips to meet hers. She finally released the canvas of her tent and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. It had none of the earlier frenzy, but Alistair's heart still pounded. Elissa stepped away, "Sleep well?"

"Of course, well, once my ears stop blushing." He offered her a shy smile and rubbed at an offending lobe.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: DA:O is the intellectual property of Bioware and EA Games, I am neither.

Title: Stumble

Rating: M [adult situations]

Pairing: Fem!Cousland/Alistair

Summary: [Chapter 2] Haven tested them, and Alistair sorts it out.

Wordcount: [Chapter 2] 2,659

Thank you for the reviews both here and at swoopingisbad. This story is in it for the long haul, and several more chapters are coming.

Haven had shaken them all, but Leliana seemed particularly affected.

The bard sat in front of the fire, busying herself, mending her robes. She hadn't spoke since they'd left the Chantry and Alistair felt unable to walk away, unwilling to leave her alone. He had some time, Elissa was likely handling the details of tomorrow's journey. He'd trusted her to this point and he would continue to follow.

Across camp, Wynne stepped from Genetivi and Elissa, and departed for her tent.

He paused at Leliana's feet, her eyes quickly finding his. "May I join you?"

"Of course."

Alistair sat beside her, back against the log but maintained a respectful distance. He gestured at her sewing. "I can't do that you know."

She stuck a free finger through a long neglected tear in his sleeve. The digit wiggled briefly, and retracted just as quickly as it had slipped through the fabric. "Oh believe me, we all know. You've had that since Lothering." She smiled. "It's so simple. I could teach you if you like."

"Or I could just pay you in advance for all future battle necessitated tailoring."

Wynne's warning came from behind them, her voice rang clear. "Don't let him fool you Leliana, Alistair is more than capable of mending his clothes. He's just lazy."

"Oh... she's senile." Alistair insisted, dismissing Wynne with a wave. "This delicate stitching is beyond me."

"Don't wave your hand at me, Alistair." She tilted her head toward Leliana. "If he's deft enough to sew his name into his socks, he can mend a shirt." Wynne smiled, and dipped back into her tent. She returned with some rolled up vellum. "Don't let him charm you into anything."

"I wasn't trying to charm her, it was a simple business arrangement." He looked back at Leliana. "One Sovereign." He didn't watch Wynne return to Genetivi, but knew her silence meant a hasty departure.

"I'll mend it for you, if you like." Her response was withdrawn, her fingers held the needle firmly, and she pushed it through the fabric.

He touched the yellow robes, folded them between his thumb and forefinger. His thumb slipped through a small hole. "These have taken quite a beating, perhaps it's time we got you some real armor."

"That's... unlikely." She'd been playful a moment before, but now her eyes focused on the fabric beneath her shaking fingers.

Alistair was helpless when it came to comforting those around him, especially women. He didn't know if he should be forthright, witty, or vague. He tried to think of how Elissa would ask her, how she'd helped him with Duncan.

He drew his knees closer to his chest; the splintmail more forgiving against his ribs than any of the bulkier scavenged plates. "Do you want to talk about it?" He winced at the moisture gathering in Leliana's eyes. He'd always thought weeping was a very private thing, but Leliana felt more deeply and openly than anyone he'd ever met.

Alistair watched as she struggled with her tears. Her stitches, once guided in a precise pattern, were now falling in a fractured sequence.

"If you don't want to, believe me I understand... I just wanted to offer. I didn't want you to think that you were all alone, or that no one noticed." Alistair was very quickly regretting his decision to come over. He should have let Elissa handle this. She was better at this sort of thing.

Leliana sniffed. "How could people do such a thing?"

Her question was simple, childlike in it's intention, and flooded Alistair with a sudden protective camaraderie. Leliana was just as idealistic as he was and whether he liked it or not, they had a similar naivety. "I don't know." He replied, shaking his head.

"It was just so awful, the things they said and... and in the name of the Maker." Holding back her tears only made her face red. She sniffed twice. "How could they do that?"

He grabbed her wrist. "Maybe you shouldn't be sewing just now."

"You were raised as a Brother... you must know how I feel."

"I'm not like you Leliana, I don't believe like you do." He chose his words carefully. "I won't pretend that I know what you're feeling... what happened in Haven was an abomination, as surely as anything that we faced in the Mage's Circle."

"An abomination?" Her accent melded seamlessly with her words. "Yes that's a good way to describe it." She set her sewing to the side. "I don't think that I was ready."

"The Templar's tried to teach me." Alistair glanced into the fire. "The reality is just so much worse. There is no preparing yourself for something like this."

"I meant ready to leave the Chantry." She wiped at her face. "I'm no innocent, I've seen and done things that I regret, but I was so hopeful. I really believed that the world was different, but it's the same isn't it?"

"No." Alistair furrowed his brow. "It's different because you are."

"You must think the worst of me. I swear, I don't always fall to pieces."

"I know... you found refuge in religion and they... perverted it." He breathed a sigh and his eyes flickered back to Sten, "I'd be more concerned if you felt nothing. Whether you were ready or not, this is where we are. You could have been a Sister for a hundred years and not have been ready for today." He blinked when he realized how deeply he was revealing himself. "Well... that's all I really have to say about that... I just... you aren't alone." He intoned the last part, not wanting undo any shred of good that he'd done.

She kissed his cheek quickly, her lips still moist with tears. The plump flesh passed over his stubbled, brightly coloring cheek. Alistair sat ramrod straight, eyes crashing to where Elissa stood. "Relax...She's lucky to have you." Leliana whispered with a smile.

He looked at the bard, lips turning up in a self deprecating smile. "If you say so."

"She cares for you very much. Surely you don't doubt that." Alistair knew that he shared a physical attraction with Elissa but was unsure that she felt anything more than lust.

Leliana pulled the robes back into her lap. "Now..I have quite a bit of work to do with these." She sniffed. "If you want your shirt mended, you'll let me be."

"What the lady wants." He stood, legs protesting. Alistair groaned, he needed to do less moving in his armor. All of this sitting, kneeling, standing was making him age prematurely.

"Thank you, Alistair."

He nodded, squeezing his hand into a slight wave.

Alistair couldn't grasp what disturbed him the most; he knew the about life, death, and the frenzy of obsession. The Chantry had taught him to stand against fanaticism, but they hadn't prepared him for the stark red reality of human blood on Haven's altars. It hadn't prepared him for the mutiny that came from above cultist corpses.

He had been rooted to the ground, unable to comprehend the uprising. Alistair had been dazed, unable to find the hilt of his sword while Elissa barely twisted out of the downward path of Sten's blade. It ended with a swift riposte and a graceful arc of the Cousland family sword. Sten conceded to her leadership, and Elissa had spared him.

In a single moment, Alistair's entire world had shifted. To him, the party seemed shaken, but they had settled quickly back into routine. Sten stood further from the fire, stoic and unapologetic for his attack, and silent since his brief revolt. Genetivi, Wynne, and Elissa hovered over a map at the heart of camp, preparing for the days ahead.

Alistair wanted nothing more than to speak with her, but Sten weighed heavily on his mind. If his talk with Leliana showed him anything, he could stand in for Elissa. Her eyes were on the mission and someone needed to help her. He resolutely set his pace toward the edge of camp to where Sten stood.

Alistair remembered all to clearly his immobility and the feeling of complete helplessness. This hadn't merely been a power struggle. The blades had traded killing blows.

The Revered Mother had been right, the blood of the Qunari's next victims would be on their hands. He'd be damned if it was theirs, or hers.

"Yes?" Sten's voice rumbled and sent a renewed bolt of anger through him.

Alistair set his jaw. He refused a few moments to calm himself, unwilling to grant the Qunari a shred of hesitancy. "You are up for first watch tonight?"

"Yes." Sten answered.

"Not anymore." Alistair blinked, breathing deeply through his nose. "Not any night after."

"My injuries are not severe. I assure you I am more than capable."

"Your injuries?" Alistair's breath whistled sharply through his nostrils. "I'm not concerned for your well being, Sten." He quickly glanced back at Elissa, making sure that his disbelief hadn't exploded through the camp. "What you did today... You won't ever get another chance."

"Are you questioning my honor or my ability, human?" Sten took a step closer, the only real menace in his sheer size.

To Alistair's credit he didn't step backward. "Funny, I didn't think that there was any honor in mutiny." Sten's face betrayed no emotion, but Alistair noted a quick change in his breath. "Look, I didn't come over here to start a duel or anything. She's made her decision and while I'd like nothing more than to leave you behind... It's not what she wanted, she's leading and I'll respect her, but I won't let you put us in danger again."

"You are upset."

"Obviously." Alistair's lashed out, chest crushed with the weight of his incredulity.

"Humans are guided by emotion. This was a personal matter of honor. Her leadership was called into question and I conceded victory." Sten's grey face was drawn in a detached expression.

"I'm being realistic," Alistair hissed. "What's to prevent further 'personal matters of honor'?"

"The matter is settled. I know this, she knows it, however, you do not." Sten crossed his arms against his broad chest. The Qunari paused, "I can only assume that she does not know that you're here."

"No. She doesn't."

"Would she approve?"

"Probably not, but when it comes to us... I mean the group, she doesn't really see straight."

"It is an honorable thing to side with your leader, but I will not give up watch."

Sten's face didn't betray a hint of expression and Alistair huffed in frustration. "Then you won't be doing it alone."

"It is foolhardy to deprive yourself of rest."

"If I wasn't watching you then believe me, I wouldn't be resting." His entire body was tense, shaking from the restrained confrontation. It was like they had been speaking two very different languages. "I'll see you in a few hours Sten."

"If you insist." Sten turned away first, looking out toward the treeline.

Alistair could handle the silent dismissal, but his stomach coiled with the heavy knowledge that he hadn't gotten through to the Qunari. The tightness only reinforced his decision to do what Elissa couldn't, should it ever come to head again.

Alistair retreated quickly, hoping that he'd avoided Elissa's attention. He needed to speak with her, see what the plan was, how Genetivi was doing under Wynne's care, and how soon he- _they_ could back to Eamon.

He groaned when he realized that he had not. Elissa's eyes were on him, her brows furrowed in concern as she whispered, _Are you all right?_

His blood warmed at her gaze. Tonight he was nothing short of a volatile mess of emotion, and looking at her just made him all too aware of how tired he was. He nodded once.

Alistair reached his destination quickly and tightly bowed his head toward their newest addition. "Brother Genetivi, you're looking much better."

He was stiff and Elissa was nothing if not observant. He took a steadying breath.

"Wynne does great work, however I'm afraid that I'm in no condition to join you once we are in the temple." Genetivi's smile was grim and did not reach his eyes.

Elissa's eyes flickered between Alistair and Genetivi, before she pulled a diplomatic smile. "All the more reason for you to rest. Who knows how you will feel tomorrow? You are welcome to my tent tonight."

"Where will you sleep, Warden?"

Elissa eyes were on Alistair again, trying to read his expression. She seemed to remember Genetivi. "Don't worry about me, I'll share-" Wynne forced a cough and Elissa glared lightly at the elder mage. "- with Leliana."

"That's very gracious of you."

"I wish you could know how much we value your help." Her grasp of diplomacy was a sharp reminder of her lineage. She was Cousland, nobility that outdated even Ferelden monarchy.

Alistair knew they stood equal only as Grey Wardens. If they survived the Blight, she could easily slip back into her old life where he wouldn't be fit to serve in her household. He'd be a royal bastard with nothing but fading memories of her trembling fingers and her breath against his cheek.

"If you'll excuse me, Brother Genetivi."

"Of course, lady. I was just to about to retire."

Wynne stepped forward, "I'll help you get settled."

The Wardens stood alone, and Elissa's diplomatic smile dissolved into a concerned expression. Her eyes roved over Alistair's face, taking inventory of his expression. She waited for even the slightest arch of his brow, a curve of his lip. "What's wrong?"

If Alistair reached out, he would be touching her. Three nights without a moment was at once nothing and everything. He realized he couldn't break the tension between his shoulder blades. "Nothing."

She arched an eyebrow and stepped closer, "You look... you don't look like nothing's wrong."

"I... I just need... I really have no idea." Alistair shrugged. Her expression melted into something softer than concern.

"Today was hard. If you need to talk..."

Alistair snorted. "I can't keep putting everything on you."

She crinkled her nose. "I'm stronger than I look, but if you don't want to talk I'll respect it."

He nodded and reached out for the tips of her hair. Alistair pulled softly and let it slide between his fingers. "I think I just need to get away for a bit."

Elissa nodded. "Alone?"

He turned the corner of his lip upward. "Not necessarily." Elissa grinned impishly, and took a step closer. Alistair's heart skipped, a simple dip and his lips would cover hers. "I was actually thinking about asking Shale to go with me."

Elissa stood on the tips of her toes to peek over Alistair's shoulder. "Are you sure about that? She looks awfully busy." She slowly settled on the balls of her feet.

"What about Morrigan?" He turned and looked over in the witch's direction. Alistair clucked his tongue. "Just as I thought... stewing in her own friendless self imposed exile." When he settled back, Elissa was smiling. "I would hate to interrupt that."

"Are you inviting me or not? We only have an hour two before dusk and if you continue on like this-"

"Stop begging..." Alistair rolled his eyes playfully. "Come if you want."

"Let me just tell Wynne that we're going to collect firewood or something."

"Firewood? That's a nice cover, but it may lead to actual manual labor."

She was already moving around him. "I'll be right back."

"Seriously Elissa, I don't feel like dragging around bits of wood." She said nothing. "Clearly you're ignoring me... I can see that. I meant what I said though." Leliana looked up from the volume of his voice. "Elissa?"


End file.
